


i see the light; kch.

by arrowthroughtheheart



Series: song-fics [5]
Category: IZONE (Band), Produce 48 (TV)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon Compliant, Gen, Light Angst, Oh, Sad with a Happy Ending, also, happychaewonday, i love smol bb sm fite me, i wanna hug chaewon, maybe a happy ending maybe a sad ending idk, poor bby is overworked, produce48 - Freeform, the other IZONE members are briefly referred to they're not even mentioned omg im sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-02
Updated: 2019-08-02
Packaged: 2020-07-29 11:41:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,764
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20081614
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/arrowthroughtheheart/pseuds/arrowthroughtheheart
Summary: All at once, everything looks different. Now that I see you.





	i see the light; kch.

**Author's Note:**

> whew i've been not writing in a long time and this is kind of really short???? but i recently fell in love w lil missy over here and i've noticed the lack of content about her - or anyone in IZONE in general surprisingly - so i've decided that i'm gonna start writing for IZONE too, YAY!!!!!  
.  
.  
also, kinda late but, happy birthday miss chaewon!!1!1!!1!1!! u bright little sunshine. the world loves you<3  
inspired by that post on instagram she made uwuwuw

* * *

_ All those days watching from the windows _ _   
_ _ All those years outside looking in _ _   
_ _ All that time never even knowing _   
Just how blind I've been

“Ms.Kim?”

Chaewon looks up at the voice who potentially called for her name - though she’s not the only Ms. Kim in the room, she is the one who gets the scolding most. “Y-yes?”

She didn’t mean to sound so weak and discouraged. She’s just tired. Tired from the non-stop dance that she has to perfect, tired from all the bullshit she’s been given about how not ‘sturdy’ enough she looks when she dances, evident by the sweat dripping down her chin; pooling on the middle of his t-shirt. She’s exhausted.

“If you don’t perfect this today - and perfect by _ my _standards, not yours, you can’t go back. Do you hear me?”

A part in Chaewon’s heart wants to disagree, her young-self has been putting up with these kind of nonsense for almost a decade now, and she’s near her breaking point. _ Is she? _

So for a moment, she refrains from answering. Instead, she fiddles with the hem of her white and soaked shirt while looking at her reflection in the mirror - face both flushed and pale at the same time, from the excessive movement she’s been trying to redo for almost the whole day and more accompanied by the lack of energy she’s supposed to get from food. She’s going to die if she says yes, she can’t-

“Yes, I understand.”

She _ can. _

Afterall, this is her dream. This is _ the _ dream. This is hers and everyone else’s in the room’s dream, and if she doesn’t give it her all in chasing them, even when it drains her energy and sanity the way it does these days - she’s not chasing them enough. She isn’t even moving as of right now. She needs to _ rise up. _

“Well?” Chaewon hears the slightest hint of guilt from their instructor’s voice. “I don’t see you moving,” she continues, voice growing quieter by the second as if she’s now thinking twice about what she just said to the young lady that is still trying to catch her breath. Sadly, it was too late for any one of them to stop Chaewon from working herself to her breaking point, since her dream is settled and she’s determined to see the light.

_ All those days chasing down a daydream _ _   
_ _ All those years living in a blur _ _   
_ _ All that time never truly seeing _   
Things, the way they were

There’s a calm atmosphere around Chaewon’s friends that she likes so much, even though they’ve just known each other for a short period of time. Well, long enough for her to make friends with them, she argues with herself most of the time, but is she?

_ Is she really their friend? _

Sometimes, she’d dare to take a look at their eyes, at their bright smiles and the fireworks in their smiles when they talk among themselves - which would sound just like a jumble of unimportant words to Chaewon, since she’s too happy to just live in the moment and drown among her friends’ happiness.

She’s been hungry for a friend for so long, she’s always been along this whole time - and suddenly, they appeared by her side. As fast as the sun could’ve set and the moon rises into its place, they came and they went away.

And once again, Chaewon is left with nothingness, clutching to the front of her shirt to try and calm her overworked and beating heart down - with no one to stand up for her or stop her when it becomes too much. So, naturally, she doesn’t know when it becomes too much.

And it’s still not her.

She’s still not the best she’ll ever be, not yet the best version of herself - even if she works insanely hard, day and night, into the weeks and months and years until the bruises on her legs are too much to cover on a day to day basis and she gives up, only focusing on trying to be better. She has to. She has to get that compliment she’s waiting for, and she’s not giving up until she finally, _ finally _gets them.

She needs to see the light, she really has to, she’s not going to give up even if she still hasn’t seen any signs that the light even exists. She just needs to work a lot harder and she will,

_ Now I'm here blinking in the starlight _ _   
_ _ Now I'm here suddenly I see _ _   
_ _ Standing here it's all so clear _ _   
_ _ I'm where I'm meant to be _   


have another chance.

And, there it is. It’s just on the tip of her fingers, almost slipping away from her tight grasp - but luckily for the very determined and diligent Kim Chaewon, all her sleepless nights and breathless practices where she can’t even feel her muscles anymore gave her a shot.

And she’s not throwing it away.

It’s not. . .what she’s been dreaming about, yet. It’s not hundreds and hundreds of fans screeching in their seats while holding a sign with her name written on it, yet. But it’s about to be. It’s about to be something really great and Chaewon can feel it tingling her senses, and it woke her up nearly 24 hours earlier than she needed to be ready, as she finds herself uneasy and preparing for almost every single tiny detail as possible.

She can stand out. She has to stand out. She needs to be known and she needs to make an impression people will remember her for.

She needs to fight, spread her wings and take flight. Maybe punch a wall or two to survive, it’s alright. What she needs now are pills for all this pain, this aching feeling that causes her to get lost in her own brain - but it doesn’t matter. Nothing for her to fuss about now, or later, or later and later, because all she needs to do now is focus on the present, focus on the choreography, focus on keeping her vocal chords nice and tidy, focusing on her new, less-shitty friends, focusing on how to keep blinking towards the light and not back to the suffocating cave where she came from - she needs to keep stepping forward. Into the light, if only she has more _ time _. Chaewon really needs more time, and;

_ At last I see the light _ _   
_ _ And it's like the fog has lifted _

They. . .they announced her name?

She just won? No, no, it’s not about winning. There’s 12 of them, how is it that she’s the only one winning? No, no, that’s not the right word. They win together, and they’re going to do that together. They’re gonna lose, and they’re going to suck it up together too. Wait, what does this mean?

_ Chaewon is now a part of something real? She’s a part of. . . _something?

Her eyelids widen slightly when she feels someone shoving her shoulder, lightly, as if it’s meant to be a joke and unlike all those other times she’s been shoved into a toilet stall - this one feels encouraging. Almost like, ‘go on. Go ahead, you deserve it.’

And then she sees her parents, waving a little cut-out cardboard sign with her name on it - and Chaewon feels the tears beginning to surface.

_ And at last I see the light _ _   
_ _ And it's like the sky is new _   


She pinches herself in the middle of her speech - that part’s a blur, by the way - and her eyes drift left and right, finding herself unable to look away from the tear-stained cheeks of her new friends, the people she’s going to fight alongside, and the people she’s cried a river of tears with, laughed and shared some secret looks in the middle of a stormy night with.

She’s filled with a new kind of determination, not the kind that would kill her if she tries too hard - just the kind to make you wake up every morning to another routine, one that won’t leave you bored to death and depressed.

It feels like the summer breeze is passing by her smiley face, and she can feel her hair swaying around in contentment.

She’s content of _ this. _This. . .

This is the light.

_ And it's warm and real and bright _ _   
_ _ And the world has somehow shifted _

Terrible. Horrible. Satisfying. Realistic. Ground-breaking.

Chaewon was always one to dream of herself seeing the light, seeing herself having fun and concluding her daydreams in a happy ending without counting the outcome of everything she does. Everything she’s chosen to do and be in life will have their own consequences, and in times like this does Chaewon regret of dreaming to see the light when she _ knows _she’s allergic of the sun.

Where there’s big, there’s also small - and since the big comes first, the small comes after people realize how insignificant other things are when they’ve seen the big thing. Everything else is. . .disappointing, even though it used to look just fine before the big thing arrived.

Chaewon learned everything she knows the hard way; and she regrets living her life that way.

What she doesn’t regret though, is,

_ All at once everything looks different _ _   
_ _ Now that I see you _

she’s learned that she _ doesn’t _have to make an impression for everyone to love. For everyone to see. Because she doesn’t always need everyone, she doesn’t need their praise and she doesn’t need them to bow at her feet all the time, all day.

What she needs is something she feels content with. Something she feels in touch with. Something she’d wake up to the first thing in the morning, something she’d fall asleep to while they card their hand through her soft locks and they’d made an eye-contact that would send shivers down her spine everyday and every time they do it, and she’d feel content.

She’d feel safe.

She’d feel loved, and not alone anymore, and she’d be able to breath.

She’s going to be able to live, and experience what it’s like to understand what feelings are, and choose a path for herself to take without anyone telling her if it’s right or wrong, if it’ll break her reputation or will it save her from the depths of hell that is waiting for her - and she’ll love it.

She’ll love it till her dying days.

Because she’s seen it.

She’s seen the light.

Walked under it.

Enjoyed it.

And now, she’s going to let someone else take the light away from her. . .

_ Now that I, _

_ see you. _   


. .it’s what Kim Chaewon excels at.

**Author's Note:**

> yikes this is kinda sad but i do wanna say i hope life isn't like this for a n y o n e but we know sometimes not everyone is this lucky:(  
it's just a way for me to kinds vent abt how brain-dead i've been feeling for the past few months, ig but that explains why i don't make that much dialogue - or any at all, in this one - since it's how i feel everyday! yay?  
once again, happy chaewon day, u lil bb - i hope ur getting all that love you deserve and so much more. mwah<33


End file.
